Lake Bolac: The Home of Bob the Bunyip

In another place, at another time, and for a specific purpose, I used to compile a list of what had happened 'on this day'. I knew at the time just how ideosyncratic the choice of what to include or not was. Digging through my backup files, I found my list for today and mused about my preoccupations over the years:

January 31st

1606 Winter, Rockwood, Keys, and Guy Fawkes, convicted for their part in the Gunpowder Plot against the English Parliament and King James I, were executed.
1761 Lachlan Macquarie, Ulva, the Scottish Hebrides, Governor of New South Wales, born.
1797 Franz Peter Schubert, Vienna, Austria, composer (Unfinished Symphony) born.
1876 The US Government declares that it will consider all native Americans who do not move to reservations hostile.
1882 Anna Pavlova, St Petersburg Russia, ballerina, choreographer, born.
1882 Peter Smith Dawson, singer, born.
1901 Chekhov's Three Sisters opens at the Moscow Art Theater.
1915 Thomas Merton, Pyrenees-Orientales, France, radical pacifist US priest and Trappist monk, author (The Seven Storey Mountain) born.
1921 Carol Channing, actress (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes) born.
1921 Mario Lanza, singer (d.1959) born.
1923 Norman Mailer, author (The Executioner's Song, The Naked and the Dead, An American Dream) born.
1928 Sticky tape first marketed by 3-M Company (Scotch, Durex). (This one tickled Paris's fancy for some reason)
1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky; he found asylum in Mexico.
1935 Kenzaburo Oe, Ehime, Japan, author (The Silent Cry, Personal Matter) born.
1938 Pix magazine was launched in Sydney.
1943 Field Marshal Paulus defied Hitler to surrender the German 6th Army to the Russians at Stalingrad.
1946 Yugoslavia adopts new constitution, becomes a federal republic.
1951 Phil Collins, England, singer, drummer (Genesis: Against All Odds) born. (Daphne's favourite)
1955 RCA demonstrated the first musical synthesizer.
1956 Johnny Rotten [John Lydon] rocker (Sex Pistols: God Save the Queen) born.
1958 James van Allen discovers radiation belt around Earth.
1958 Explorer I, the first US Earth satellite, was launched from Cape Canaveral
1968 Nauru gains independence from Australia.
1968 The Viet Cong's Tet offensive begins.
1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in Britain.
1985 South African President PW Botha offers to free Mandela if he denounces violence.
1990 First McDonalds in Russia opens in Moscow. (Farouk chose this ... duh!)
1994 The Gran Teatro del Liceo in Barcelona burns down.
1994 The Dow Jones hits a record 3,978.36.

I gave a copy to Daphne, Paris and Farouk, and asked them what event was most important in their eyes. You can see which ones they chose. You should have heard the argument: I just kept saying that they were all important to me; that's why they were on my list.

Daphne quickly changed her mind and said they were all important to her too! But, why, then, had I left off Blondie's song, The Tide Is High hitting #1 in 1981? Farouk would only concede that the beginning of the Tet offensive in 1968 might approach the significance of McDonalds opening in Moscow as a "geopolitical event of significance", but seemed a little hostile to the whole idea largely because of the politics of its perpetrators! Paris couldn't see beyond the "most practical invention of the century".

I remembered, then, why I had stopped compiling the lists:

• there's plenty of them around anyway (like the SCOPE Systems list)
  
• nobody can agree what should go in and what shouldn't (to wit - OUR little discussion), and
  
• there is furious disagreement about when things happened:
  • when it started or when it concluded?
    
  • when it happened or when it became known?
    
  • in which timezone?
    
  • by which calendar?

Have a look at Calendar Zone if the theory interests you. I've "got a little list" for most days of the year. Let me know if you want a copy.

Daphne and I decided that, because it was Chinese New Year during the week, we would put a sign saying "Kun Hei Fat Choi" ("Congratulations and Prosperity" or something like that to you all) on the manna gum near the oval on Frontage Road. They're not big on these exogenous celebrations down here at the Lake, so we felt it was better to understate things a bit!

Paris arrived while we were putting it up in his "Fanatics" gear with his face painted like an Australian flag and accused us of being "un-Australian". We were too kind to make any references to the ethnic ambiguities of a bush tailed possum with a Union Jack framing one eye, and told him that we believed it was possible to celebrate diversity even on Australia Day.

We told him how we had been to the Australian Open and had applauded the fine tennis played by people from all around the globe; how we had got into a chat with a seagull from Siberia who was supporting Marat Safin, and an Italian weasel (a distant relative of Farouk's we discovered) who had the hots for Mara Santangelo.

OK, I'll admit that Daphne went a bit off the deep end talking about "Invasion Day" and that, but that was no excuse for his cruel reference to the promiscuous nature of her kind's migratory behaviour. I still think he should apologise.

I was sure we would have a canny ally in Farouk who came over to see what the fuss was all about. I explained the Mandarin sign and our intent. However, to my surprise he simply gave a resigned sigh and wandered off muttering something about me not knowing the difference between mandarines and cans of peas. Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like you just can't win?

According variously to bumper stickers on cars heading to Mortlake on Service Road -
Accountants do it with double entry.
Alcoholics do it in groups.
Anglicans do it decently and in order.
Archaeologists do it in the dirt.
   [Didn't know we had many of them in the district!]
Assassins do it from behind.
Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus.
Boy scouts do it in troops
   [I don't think they appeciated the double entendre!]
Carpenters do it with wood.
Christian Scientists think about it.
Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.
Dancers do it on the floor.
Dentists do it orally.
Economists do it with interest.
Electricians do it without shorts.
Engineers do it with less resistance.
Environmentalists do it until it is green.
Firemen do it with a big hose.
Genealogists do it in the library.
Geologists do it to get their rocks off.
Hackers do it with fewer instructions.
Historians did it.
Kayakers roll over and do it again.
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
Lutherans do it with grace.
Mediators do it until everyone is satisfied ... but in separate rooms.
Pentecostals do it loud & with tongues.
Pharmacists do it over the counter.
Physicists do it at the speed of light.
Pipers do it with Amazing Grace.
Polymer chemists do it in chains.
Psychologists think they do it.
Quakers wait for it to happen.
Statisticians probably do it.
Telecommuters do it at a distance.
Unitarians talk about it.
Vegetarians do it with relish.
Witches do it in circles.

I came up with these myself -
Ducks do it with any sized quack.
Possums do it with nuts.
Ferrets do it in holes.

And Daphne tells me that those with a scholarly interest in the topic can find a fairly comprehensive list of "do it" aphorisms on Roughoat.

But as for Bunyips? Not a word! Make a comment to leave your suggestion. Neatest correct entry wins. (Duh!)

It's been unnervingly quiet at the Lake. No more Christmas cards, no phone calls promising to catch up 'between Christmas and New Year' or 'before we get back to work', no more frenzied SMSing until our poor single old mobile phone tower (the one they don't even bother trying to disguise down here) just can't take any more like on New Year's eve. Farouk says that the 'yenks' (as he is wont to call them) have got it wrong with their DO NOT CALL REGISTRY: what we need in Lake Bolac, he reckons, is a DO-CALL list.

He'd been on the web seeing if such things existed, but the poor old blighter could only find some site that let him become a pen pal for prisoners. He says he's resolved to write to Cathy from Wisconsin because she doesn't drink or swear, and she likes boating.

I thought I'd try to help him out and typed 'ferret' into a few personals sites: that was a mistake of gargantuan proportions. Ferret_tits? I don't think so! Ferret78 would never do: he's an aquarian, and Farouk goes by that sort of astrology stuff. Ferretman3 lives on the wrong side of Port Phillip for any sort of significant bonding to occur. Farouk said he would have taken a fancy even to Ferretlady3 had she also not been so far away, and confessed that she spent 8 hours a day at her computer. I was too kind to point out that she was also a graphic designer!

See, that's the problem with Paris: everything for him is a joke. Well, maybe "joke" is too strong: everything for him has a bright side, another aspect, an unusual take.

Like this ->
little joke he sent me the other day.

Apparently, because he's 2 years old and I'm immortal, it's very funny or something! Like I should wet myself laughing or something because he's so bushy tailed. I don't think so, Paris! And I say this in a considered way:

1. Wetting myself would simply prove your point, and I've only ever been wrong once in my life. That was when I said I was wrong and I was right all along!
   
2. You don't understand the difference between ageless and immortal. Bunyips, for your information, Paris, are "ageless" - those functional problems you so easily laugh at in others will afflict YOU before they ever beset me!
   
3. You have absolutely no idea at all of how upsetting that is for me, do you? Like I'm really going to enjoy seeing things like that happen to the people around me I love one by one. Like I don't remember it ever having happened in the past.

Sometimes you ought to think first, possum. Boundaries, Paris, boundaries!

It's wonderful seeing all the humans running around here during the holidays. They're amazing creatures: the way they run and jump, throw and catch, speak and think and laugh. I love it when they laugh: it's such a funny thing to do!

And, sometimes, I can just watch one of them "think" for hours, especially the little kids when they're trying to work something out as they play.

I was telling Daphne and Paris and Farouk the same thing yesterday, and Farouk had this amazing insight. 'But how much better they would be if they had tails!' he said. And he's right, of course. We all take them for granted. Once we get to thinking about them, we realise how much of our communication, stability, agility and *blush* sexuality is dependant on our tails.

Apparently, some humans are born with tails, but there has been a well-orchestrated medico-religious conspiracy over the years to suppress the fact, and dock the offending appendage. Something about satanic and bestial (hey, wait a minute, that's us!) overtones!

I, for one, am pleased to see that those thoughtful humans at the Halfbakery do take the issue seriously. They do it in their usual satirical way, but they do take it seriously. I loved Wolfie's suggestion that it would catch on if Madonna got one.

I was down at the landing strip yesterday (37° 41’S 142° 52’E for the aficionados amongst us) watching a Piper Warrior arrive and leave yesterday. It brought back delightful memories of the Biggles books and my own days learning to fly. I know it's a bit adventurous of me, but I think I will challenge Daphne, Paris and Farouk to a flying competition. Not the real thing, of course! Daphne wouldn't go near a light aircraft, and no-one should let Paris near one!

No. I thought we could have a paper aeroplane competition. I've done a bit of research and discovered that the construction of such planes is a highly refined craft. Believe it or not, the Costa Ricans seem to have got it down pat. "My" design has to win (but I'm not telling the others what I've got up my sleeve). I reckon they'll all be in it.

Daphne is an absolute gem: the girl's web browsing skills are never ending! Just when I thought she had scooped the pool yesterday on only the third day of the New Year with her amazing rainbow type engine find, she emailed me this morning with the link for the "Picture of Everything".

It's an amazing work. Someone who must have help with their domestic chores has set about a Brugelian style attempt to condense the history of Western thought and culture into a single web page. Does it work? You be the judge, dear reader. I, for one, could not find my kin there, let alone myself.

How do you like this amazing "Rainbow Text"? It's made with a little program called "JTHZ Rainbow".

You can download it for nothing at http://www.geocities.com/wcswebbuilders/freeware/freeware.html. I showed it to Bob and Farouk and they said it was very nice too. But I heard them giggling about it later with Paris. (N.B.: yuk colours!)

I think he's a dickhead, and he brings out the worst in the other boys.

Global politics do not make it onto the agenda very much down here. I mean, there isn't exactly a "mass" to target around the lake, and most of us are far too busy with the politics of 2 or 3 people to worry. "Destruction" tends to be local and personal as well!

However, I was feeling too elated after the Christmas and New Year festivities, so to get things back into perspective I started to read some of Michael Moore's musings.

That was just far too disturbing, but I found a link there to a wonderful piece of irony, a revised "Deck of Cards". I could chuckle and fume all at once ... what a splendid sensation - there really ought to be a word for it!

I wonder if the boys are up for a game of solo tonight

I loved the movie Finding Nemo. So when a friend emailed me the web address for a quiz that lets you see what character you are like, I couldn't wait to do it. Not that I wanted to seem over-anxious or anything! No more gryst to Paris's 'identity crisis' mill was one of my 2004 resolutions.
Well, now everyone knows - I'm a "Nigel".
I quite liked Nigel in the movie, especially in his pivotal role in the final denouement! But how did they know about my 'strange little obsession'? It's a bit creepy.

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



Farouk got a "Bruce". I think he was little offended by that, but I couldn't tell what language he was mumbling in, let alone what he was saying. Something about sharks being the dogs of the underwater realm? It was more his tone that gave it away. His sentences didn't end on an upward inflection like they normally do!

Paris wouldn't do the quiz: what good is it, he reckoned, telling a ferret he's like a shark? And I though Daphne might be feeling a little too delicate even to ask her to participate.

I think we had a very wild party last night judging by the disarray the place was in this morning. I remember snippets: Daphne doing the one-legged moonwalk in her undies; Farouk toasting Arnold Schwarzenegger's contributions to ferretdom with some foul smelling concoction he said his mother had sent from 'the old country'; and, not to be outdone, Paris, having returned late from preliminaries with 'the boys', passing around some powder blue 'vitamin pills' (not!).

And the pyrotechnics! I remember them - simply marvellous! Loose Change who played at the Eel Skinners and Duck Pluckers Ball a few weeks ago were back as well. Councillor McKenzie and others responsible are to be highly commended for the entertainments as well as the tasteful festoon lighting decorations in the high street.

Now it's back to the clean-up. Daphne will need her clothes, and other bits and pieces have to be returned to their owners or sensibly disposed of to preserve our pristine environment. I've already found one odd sock that is going to be a problem unless it's Daphne's. Anyhow, with the marvels of the Internet, I might be able to find a match at Lonely Socks.